Relationship Resolutions

Dating advice from Selective Search's Barbie Adler


In an ideal world, you’d learn from your mistakes the first time, but alas, that doesn’t always happen. Sometimes you need to make a mistake a few times?or let’s face it, a lot of times?before you can truly learn a life lesson.

That being said, here’s a list of things you’ve probably done, shouldn’t do again, and can make a vow now not to do in the new year. Let’s start with a clean slate!

Pledge to eat less carbs, take Vitamin D daily, drink more water, reduce your carbon footprint, take an hour-long bubble bath twice a week or donate a few extra dollars to charity?all good resolutions. But under no circumstance are you to:

Dating Don’ts

  • Be overly easy to please.
    Don’t bend over backwards for a guy that doesn’t do the same for you. Givers deserve a fellow giver. Takers will zap your energy and suck the life out of you. If you have one in your life, wash that man out of your hair. You deserve someone that thinks you hung the moon and will invest in the relationship and you just as much as you.
  • Stay in a relationship because your friends and family love him.
    Remember to live your own life and be true to yourself.
  • Sleep with someone too early on.
    If you know you’ll be a neurotic mess if he never calls, protect your heart from the inevitable awful morning-after feeling.
  • Date the same “type” of guy and expect a different outcome.
    Notice the pattern and learn from your repeated mistakes.
  • Over-analyze every situation to death!
    If you’re spending hours picking things apart then something is clearly wrong. If it doesn’t feel right, move on!
  • Obsess about him 24/7.
    Don’t keep your Blackberry or phone in hand, waiting for him to call, text or e-mail you.
  • Lie about your age, interests, education or political views to impress a guy.
  • Rant about your ex while on a date with a new beau.
    Unless of course you want to drive him away.
  • Hold relationship issues inside until they all burst out after a few cocktails or you have a minor argument. Keeping things to yourself won’t get you anywhere?speak up calmly and rationally. There is no sense in becoming unglued.
  • Stay in a relationship that’s clearly fizzled out.
    Don’t be afraid of being alone, and don’t think anything beats being single.
  • Feel you’re undesirable when all your best girlfriends are in relationships or married and you aren’t. It’s simply not true. Stay selectively single and be thankful that you dodged a bullet by walking away from an unhealthy relationship. 
  • Add photos to your Facebook page just to make your ex jealous.
  • Going to the same places with the same crowd.
    Expand your horizons and mix it up?check out a new neighborhood with a new sea of men.
  • Be a hater on your man’s ex.
    He’s yours now? chillax. Confidence and class is sexy.
  • Being so dramatic!
    Make this the year that you take the high road and attract more bees with honey than vinegar. Smile! Be happy! Men love women that are happy, passionate, kind-hearted, bright, fun-loving and quick to smile and laugh. Be good to yourself and surround yourself with energy givers not energy zappers

Here’s to a white canvas in 2010!

January 2010